Today is Friday... One week has gone.... Very fast... Last friday 4 of us were so excited about the KL trip.... And one week later, I am left heartbroken, alone by myself....

It was tiring but a wonderful trip...And also our last trip together.

He messaged me in facebook yesterday, though he said he don't know what decision he wants to make.... I already know the answer.

Nanny,

I am always happy to be with you and to be honest, until now, I don't know what I want. I'm trying to weigh all the variables and trying to understand what to do to be right. I'm confused right now and to be honest, don't know who to be with.

I still have our pictures in my hp and am going around in a complete daze. I'm so confused that I don't know what to do next. I'm not strong.

I think we give ourselves some time ok? I really dunno how much time to make this decision that, on paper, it could be kinda easy... Either decision I make, I'm going to hurt someone... sigh...

Love,
Son

In fact, I never want him to make any decision. Because I am scared I will not be the one he choose. I am scared that I will be the losing end again....which I think I am already losing...

I lost Kenneth.... I might be losing Son the same way I lost Kenneth too... Just because I don't know how to fight for my own future. I don't know how to tell them how important they are in my life. I am not those women who will know how to stick with them hard and never let go... I am not such person... I have no confidence, who am I to prove myself that I AM THE ONE for them?

I thought telling him that I wanna give up will be a better feeling... No, I dont think so... It still hurts as badly as before.

Anna was telling me, why you still let him cheat you twice? I don't know... With him, I tend to close one eye. I don't want anything to spoil our relationship.

In the end, I am still the one getting hurt and the other party I want to protect is perfectly alright.

Why it always happen when I want to get deeper into a relationship, when I am so prepared to do certain things for them....

I am 26, I don't know how long can I still wait. A year? 2 years? 3 years? Forever??? What if one day, he don't come back to me, will I regret by waiting for him forever?

And he is 33, he is thinking of settling down already. Me too.... But who is the right girl for her? A girl of the same religion or a girl who is learning to accept his religion? A girl who gives him all freedom? A girl who respects what he does? A girl who loves his passion for everything? A girl who can share his happiness and woes with?

Who am I to him? A girl whom he wanna be serious with? Or just a girl to be fun with... because I never give him troubles he find I am fun to be with, but when comes to settling down... I might not be the one?

There are so many questions I want to ask him but I don't know how to. I have not reply his FB msg. Coz I don't know what to reply anymore.

He said he is confused... He don't know who to choose yet he is still with her. Isn't it obvious? Come on, Nana, u lose out liao...

I am hurt, utterly hurt... But I will not depend on anyone now.

I managed to close the chapter of Kenneth's.... Yet, I have the same chapter to close again... How long will I take again? A year? two years like Kenneth?

God, please help me. Please enlighten us and give us your blessings. God... I really need your help and faith. Tell me what to do.

(p/s: Let time slowly heals me... I was hurt once, nothing can beat me down this time round...)