I'm back to my office, the first thing I saw...our pictures on my table. I am still contemplating if I should take it down and hide it somewhere. But I know, it's not easy... because I was looking @ our pictures that we took recently in KL and the most memorable trip we had in Hong Kong. I cried while watching the pictures because I really enjoyed the time we spent together.

We meet like once a week because he got alot of stuffs to do. So when we meet, we make sure we spend the most quality time together. And every single time we meet, we are happy and we do things together, even it's just only a dinner, it is still fun and I love it.

We met each other at a place which you guys would never want to know haha. I still remember the first time we met, he came to my house and picked me up, and we drove down to Vivo city. The second time was at Cineleisure and then we drove down to ECP and we chatted till about 4am in the morning.

We have been to Bangkok, Hongkong and Malaysia together. Hongkong was the most memorable one because I realized that he is someone I can depend on. I will never get lost when I am with him. I know there will always be someone protecting me. When crossing over the busy streets, he will make sure he hold my hands. He will give little surprises too.

With him, I grew up alot. I handle things more maturely and much more independent.

He's such a successful man, with good career, nice family and sometimes, I just feel inferior because I am a nothing. That is the only negative thought I have in my mind.

We never quarrel. We never argue. We only laugh, enjoy the time together.

BUT in the end, I choose to leave him because the inferior side of me said that I will never give him the real happiness while the other one can. If we are going to settle down, he will face more challenges. And religion will be another issue that we have to face, especially from his parents side. I know it will be an issue. In fact, his parents are skeptical about us because he is not that storch himself and how is he going to guide me to his religion? And I am a chinese, can I give up certain things and can I follow their religion strictly?

In fact, we had a talk about it when we were in KL, I was actually quite prepared to go through the basic religious stuffs and in fact, he got a book about Muslim religion and I read 3/4 through it.

BUT again, I am skeptical... And I am worried to get hurt deeply. So I decided to back out first. I know it's stupid, I should have wait for him to tell me the truth. But how long can I wait? I can't take it much longer and it will hurt us more.

So I decided to let go though its the most reluctant thing that I want to do. Seeing him in tears shattered my heart too. I know he is at the crossroad, don't know what to do. I understand how he feels. And I don't want to give him the stress so I let go...

Perhaps, we need some time to cool down... We are not young anymore. If we are meant to be for each other, God will put us back together again...

We shall see...



You never sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
You never said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar
My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you
Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer
So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you
Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
The tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming
Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer


(p/s: Im puzzled... I want you to leave but I cant bear to see u go...Baby I wuv u)