I never expect myself to react this way...

I cried the whole day and I didn't sleep at all last night...

Why am I crying? It's something to be happy about what. . . Finally there is an "end" to it, rather than dragging and having an unknown status...

I had the same feeling when Kenneth left me... Uncontrollable tears and actions... I had no appetite and i just stoning away.

I told sis about it, she said she is happy for me coz finally, we managed to clear things out and I can be happier.

I told that to myself too... But I juz couldn't control my tears and I am literally crying since I reached office. I shared with my colleague kaki and she said its a good thing for both of us. He has his new life and I can continue my happy r/s with Son.

BUT, why am I still sobbing? Why I do feel that pinch of pain deep down my heart?

Actually, I know the answer... we are "xi guan" of each other and we lived on each other. Though we are in that "unknown" status, we still treat other well and many people though we are couples. We used to be one... I was with him on & off for 10 years. I am thankful to him coz when I broke off with Kenneth, he was always there for me. I hurt him, I made him cried, I suan him, I bullied him...

When we were talking on da phone, I cried.. he cried too coz he knows I am hurt .... But he said he wanna start a new life with this new girl. She is 2 years younger than him and works in a office.

If he wants to start a new life, why not? I should wish him all the best. I can't be such a bitch wat.. Got BF liao still hold onto Jeff... That is not the right way.

But how am I suppose to kick away the bad "habit"? There wont be anyone picking me up and send me to work, there wont be anyone whom I can go out on weekends.... There won't be anyone who will bring me to buy coco & brandy's food, there won't be anyone going JB with me to do my nailz... There wont be anyone eating dinner with me ... There are so many bad habits....

He stands a big part in my life... He witnessed me grew up from an innocent girl to a 25 year old lao charbo. He was also there with me when my Dad passed away. He was the 1st guy whom I brought back home.

I shared alot of my life with him. I think he knows all my bad habit hahaha... He knows I don't fold my clothes, he knows I can wear the same bra for 2 consecutive days (LOL), he knows I grind my teeth when I'm sleeping, he knows I love to shop and don't save, he knows that I am a very messy girl and he knows that I am stubborn ....

He knows ALOT about me. I guess no one noes as much as him.

But it's time to let go .... I let him wait for too long already. I know I can't settle down with him and he should start a brand new life and settle down... When he told me that he proposed to me a few times and I rejected him, I feel bad and tears rolled down my cheeks... I can feel the pain and disappointment in him... I am too selfish to keep him to myself like a spare tyre... When I want him, I will look for him, when i dont want him, i will juz ignore him... I took him for granted for so many times that I lost count...

Sorry Jeff, we are really not meant to be together. After talking to you, I realised you really want a new life to start with, I give u all my best wishes.

I thank-ed you for giving me the care and concern for that 10 years... We met each other when I was only 14 and I remember those things we have done in the past. From lovey dovey... to taking granted to each other...

I am so sorry for making you look like a fool in front of my friends. . . I didn't know those jokes can hurt you and you didnt tell me...

I am sorry that I can't give in myself to a marriage . . .

I am sorry that I hold u up for so long...

You are now free... No more me in your life.

Help me take good care of Brandy. Tell her that I am always her Mummy and I wuv her alot. Though I always call her introvert dog but she is my most manja and beautiful baby. Brandy, I'm sorry Mummy can't take care of you anymore. But I know Jeff Daddy will sayang u alot more than me ok. Coz he told me he can't let you go ...

I am thankful to have you as my friend in my life. A very worthy friend.

I need to end this friendship for a better option...

All the best to your life =)